HR Strategy


Holding Difficult Conversations Through Real-World DEI Stories

The pushback against a leadership focus on DEI is growing, making it necessary for organizational leaders to hold difficult conversations with employees. The dialogue calls for leaders to develop skills such as empathy and creating a psychologically safe space for discussion through DEI storytelling. -BY BY SHARON ROSS

Current events are tumultuous, and they have proven polarizing in the workforce. People are passionate about topics such as their political views, racial injustice, socioeconomic disparities in communities, and environmental sustainability. Historically, however, organizational leaders avoided conversations about these types of issues in the workplace, because they can quickly become divisive. That is no longer true because most current events today are integrated with diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI). As a result, there is significant pushback against DEI programs and initiatives forming, because employees with perspectives on one side of the current events believe DEI principles are being forced on them and perceive them as threats. As organizations encourage people to bring their whole selves to work, in fact they are also encouraging them to bring their perspectives, concerns, and beliefs. Managers must develop communication skills that enable holding difficult conversations with employees in a way that is non-threatening but engaging, with the intention of increasing learning about the importance of DEI to fairness, social justice, and the long-term success of the company. Utilizing authentic DEI stories is one way to promote learning based on people’s lived experiences.

DEI Pushback is an Opportunity for Honest Conversations

Trisha Rai and Caitlin Dutkiewicz at Gartner, the global consulting and research firm, named two perceived threats that lead to DEI pushback. One is the threat to individual identity because people from the dominant group feel like they are being shamed and made to feel responsible for all the inequities in society and the workplace. They naturally get defensive. The second perceived threat is to social identity. Employees get a positive sense of self from their belonging in groups, and threats to a dominant group of any kind can lead to DEI pushback, due to fear of a loss of privilege and power. Pushback may lead to charges of reverse discrimination or being unfairly targeted for their identity. Though the Gartner authors wrote this in May 2022, their assessment is proving correct, as people in the dominant groups (including some corporate leaders) rethink DEI and begin to get defensive or find ways to pull back.

Holding conversations about DEI is not easy because they are conversations about identity, social inequality, lack of opportunities for certain people, and politics. The Civic Health Project report Depolarizing America: Promising Paths Forward discusses toxic political polarization and negative partisanship in society, and the issues are the same in the business environment. People harbor strong negative feelings towards those who are different, and prejudice leads to dislike or a desire to wish harm on those who are different. The researchers recommend a Four E’s Framework of expose, engage, educate, and elevate. Expose people to diverse information and perspectives, engage people across differences, educate people on how and why they have become polarized, and elevate how people see themselves and others beyond confining identities.

Business for America Report Business Bridging Divides looks at the toxic polarization through the business lens, because the research shows that for 69% of companies, social toxicity negatively affects employees and culture. Leaders need communication skills that fit the circumstances. As one DEI professional at a large corporation said, the general feeling among business leaders is, “I don’t even know how to have this conversation, let alone lead it.” Business leaders need communication skills in managing difficult conversations and communicating across different perspectives.

Openly Discussing Misconceptions

One of the top leadership skills needed is empathy. If a person does not have empathy, it is difficult to discuss topics charged with emotions, and it is more likely that the leader will avoid the conversations that need to be held. Other important skills are keeping an open mind, avoiding generalizations, and listening to what employees say. People often say one thing when they mean another. The pushback on DEI, for example, may reflect personal fears about job security or feeling personally attacked when that is not the case. Organizational leaders should be comfortable holding difficult conversations about workplace and social issues, rather than avoiding them.

There are many misconceptions about DEI that are triggering resentment in some employees. The consulting and leadership development firm Kelley Johnson Enterprises, specializing in DEI and culture transformation, names five things that people get wrong about DEI, and they are things leaders should be willing to discuss openly. One is believing DEI is a way to show favoritism, when it is really a mechanism for ensuring qualified marginalized people have a fair chance during recruitment and hiring, and when development and advancement opportunities arise. Some people have the misconception that DEI is about White people losing, when it is only about creating equitable opportunities, not about taking away anything.

The third misconception is that diversity programs divide and exclude. The truth is that DEI programs are about achieving inclusion without the need to ignore unique identities. Recognizing biases helps people overcome the tendency to gravitate toward people from the same demographic. The fourth misconception is that racism is a past issue, and the focus should be on the future, despite the facts. For example, one fact is that Blacks earning degrees from Ivy League schools still have a harder time gaining employment than Whites. The present must change to change the future.

Finally, the fifth myth is that DEI is optional, when the truth is that it impacts all organizational stakeholders. “Diversity programs encourage us to step outside of ourselves and get to know the stories, backgrounds, and life experience of others,” writes Kelly Johnson Enterprises. This alludes to one of the successful strategies for holding difficult conversations about DEI and social justice issues: Providing a safe space for employees to share authentic DEI stories that offer insights into perspectives.

Sharing Lived Experiences

Based on research, Consultant Selena Rezvani and Executive Advisor and Diversity Strategist Stacey A. Gordon believe leaders should facilitate peers willing to share their lived experiences. When people hear stories from the perspective of others, it is more likely that there will be a positive effect on diversity-related outcomes. People are more internally motivated to respond to the sharing without prejudice. The diverse leaders can start the conversations by bravely telling their stories. However, all leaders should keep communication authentic and humanizing, and not just repeat what they are expected to say as corporate professionals. Some suggestions for encouraging difficult conversations include holding listening sessions and scheduled storytelling opportunities, including stories in blogs and videos and corporate talent-related publications, discussing negative perceptions and events that show up in anonymous surveys, and developing social media campaigns that share stories. Of course, leaders must have two-way communication skills to make employees feel psychologically safe. How they respond to authentic DEI stories will enormously impact whether the difficult conversations deliver positive results and move DEI forward, versus DEI skeptics becoming even more resistant.

From the Workplace to Society

Authentic DEI stories are powerful tools for learning. By immersing themselves in stories that reflect different realities and perspectives, learners begin to understand how their behavior can impact those around them. This newfound awareness allows leaders and employees to develop actions that align with their own spheres of influence, enabling them to become more mindful and empathetic individuals. Ultimately, recognizing and embracing diversity, equity, and inclusion in the workplace is essential for creating a more just and equitable society.